There Is No Fear in This Dojo

But there are lots of tissues and Vick’s Vapo-Rub. I can’t tell if I have a new, worse cold or the same worsening one. Also, I was thinking how I sort of resent the Mucinex people for anthropomorphizing mucus. And can the guy who does the voice for the mucus in the Mucinex ads ever experience a cold in the same way again? I bet not.
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So at some point this year, I’m going to have to learn a new layout program. I’ve sort of been in denial about this, but I was making a postcard for my brother-in-law’s business yesterday (need drywall, stucco, or plaster work in the D.C. metro area?), and the old computer, which has the old software on it, sounded like it was dry-heaving. Alieviate my hard drive, please. I’m all full up. Blugh.

The older I get, the pickier I become about which things I’m excited to learn. I think we all know what sort of old lady I’ll be.
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Today at lunch, Brandon and I were outside with the dogs (because it truly is no longer motherfucking cold here--thanks, global warming!) and we thought we heard Simon whimpering. “Oh,” Brandon said after a minute. “It’s just people talking.”

I look at the parking lot behind our house. “Maybe they’re having a whimpering dog contest.” Which for some reason cracked me up enormously. People! On their lunch break! Competing to find out who makes the most realistic whimpering dog sound!

But, seriously, it’s harder than you might think.
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Here’s Conan O’Brien, singing the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage,” in the voice of Edith Bunker. (It's about a minute in.) [Via Gawker]