Reach Out and Touch Me

Unless I’m sick and you’re Caleb, in which case you will probably shrink into the far recesses of the couch and keep one wary eye on me, lest I try to kiss the top of your head. You might also ask me to get you snacks, then in lieu of saying “thank you,” demand, “YOU DIDN’T TOUCH THIS, DID YOU?” I was not so weak that I couldn’t deliver a manners smackdown.

But it’s over. And I learned a very important lesson: When I’m sick, I need to ask Brandon to take the Merck Medical Manual and hide it someplace secure. Because by the end, I convinced myself that it was very unlikely that I had a stomach bug. Much more likely was something rare and fatal. These are, almost without fail, the signs that you have something rare and fatal:

Fatigue
Nausea
A low-grade fever

You might want to get that checked out.
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Hey, Theo Nestor’s book came out this week! Theo’s been a contributor to Brain, Child since day one, and I’m a huge fan. Her book’s called How to Sleep Alone in a King Sized Bed, and it’s a memoir of her divorce and life after. She doesn’t need me hollering about the book—girlfriend has a blurb from Frank “Angela’s Ashes” McCourt—but I want to go on record that I predict big stuff.
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Oooh, I wish I’d written this: Barbara Card Atkinson’s article in which she takes some of Dr. Phil’s advice and applies it right back at him. I believe—if I remember my drinking games, and I think I do—that’s called “zoom zorch.”
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What? You like making up captions? Brain, Child is having its first cartoon caption contest. Check it out. There is a prize.