Friday, April 18, 2008

Reach Out and Touch Me

Unless I’m sick and you’re Caleb, in which case you will probably shrink into the far recesses of the couch and keep one wary eye on me, lest I try to kiss the top of your head. You might also ask me to get you snacks, then in lieu of saying “thank you,” demand, “YOU DIDN’T TOUCH THIS, DID YOU?” I was not so weak that I couldn’t deliver a manners smackdown.

But it’s over. And I learned a very important lesson: When I’m sick, I need to ask Brandon to take the Merck Medical Manual and hide it someplace secure. Because by the end, I convinced myself that it was very unlikely that I had a stomach bug. Much more likely was something rare and fatal. These are, almost without fail, the signs that you have something rare and fatal:

Fatigue
Nausea
A low-grade fever

You might want to get that checked out.
*
Hey, Theo Nestor’s book came out this week! Theo’s been a contributor to Brain, Child since day one, and I’m a huge fan. Her book’s called How to Sleep Alone in a King Sized Bed, and it’s a memoir of her divorce and life after. She doesn’t need me hollering about the book—girlfriend has a blurb from Frank “Angela’s Ashes” McCourt—but I want to go on record that I predict big stuff.
*
Oooh, I wish I’d written this: Barbara Card Atkinson’s article in which she takes some of Dr. Phil’s advice and applies it right back at him. I believe—if I remember my drinking games, and I think I do—that’s called “zoom zorch.”
*
What? You like making up captions? Brain, Child is having its first cartoon caption contest. Check it out. There is a prize.

3 comments:

Gina said...

That Dr. Phil article is awesome!
He would be much more likable if he would just admit to his mistakes; his downfall is going to be his giant ego and unwillingness to admit, ever, that he's done anything wrong.

Hairline Fracture said...

My husband always says he's dying when he has those symptoms. And then the doctor says there's basically nothing wrong with him. And I secretly laugh.

Anjali said...

Bit behind on the blog.. Sorry you were sick, and thanks for the link to the article! Looks like you started something with PP that has people taking a closer look at Dr. Phil!