Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Let's Have a Contest!

I was reading Jody Mace's comment a couple posts down. Have I fully described the wonder that is Jody Mace? I let fly with a sort of scary, out-of-control laugh when I read this.

Anyway, Jody suggested, "There should be a website to generate new Dr. Phil sayings. Like the websites that tells you your stripper name?" I don't know how to do that, but I was thinking that maybe we could have a little contest to come up with the new, "down-home" sayings that Dr. Phil might use.

You can come up with your own, or you can use these templates:
"You can't ______ and ______, and expect __________."
"We're talking _______ and ___________ here."

You might want to include either basketball, hunting, or tabacky-chewin'-Granny-style sayings.

There will be a prize. It will not be a mustache trimmer. Enter as often as you care to. You can sign your stripper name (first pet + grandmother's maiden name), if you'd like.

16 comments:

Jody said...

Ooh, I've got one. I don't know if I made this up or not but it popped, fully formed, into my head:

You can't square dance with a greased pig.

You can call me Misty Tidewater. I'm using a different stripper name algorithm because my grandmother's maiden names were both very Jewish, which somehow sound right for a stripper.

Jody said...

I meant "don't" sound right...

Tracy said...

My husband's stripper name is "Taffy Torbeck," which is pretty good, but here's mine (and of course my three brothers'): "Pussy Rush". How awesome is that? You couldn't make that up if you were casting the next Bond movie.

ANYhow, on to the Dr. Philism: You can't go the distance and turn the corner and expect to end the day on the straight and narrow.

Anonymous said...

If I told you a hen dipped snuff, would you look under her wing?

-chipper beaudrot
that's a lousy stripper name, darnit.

Anonymous said...

which grandmother?

Jennifer said...

Would it be disrespectful to say whichever grandmother has the sexier maiden name?

Roxanne said...

Here are mine ...

You can't swim in a cesspool all week and expect to come out smelling like a church lady on Sunday.

We're talking a catcher's mitt and soft-shelled crab here.

That's like mixing manure with Jean Nate.

You're using an apron like a nuclear submarine ... Howz that working for you?

I guess my name would be Chanook Vitale. Hmmm...

jessica said...

Wait a minute, here. I'm Willie Braunstein? And all this time, I thought I was Willie Wildwood (childhood pet + childhood street.) Or, I could be Willie Cone? Okay, that's good if I were a male stripper.

How about this Dr. Philism?

You can't wade in the creek and call yourself surprised when there are critters in your socks.

laundrylessons said...

My mother always said..."You can't hoot with the owls and expect to soar with the eagles". She didn't say, "We're talking no binge drinking and showing up drunk to work the next day." My kids are too close to the teenage years...I need a better one.

My stripper name sounds like a pathetic grandma because my first cat was named after my paternal grandma...scary. Lucy Bowen...not sexy at all!

Devra said...

"You can't bring up oranges and apples in this conversation and expect your husband to know how to compare them. We're talking about your produce and emotional well-being here."

sign me,
TomCat Mozer

Julianne said...

Ruffy Smith here--a lamer stripper name was never uttered--and here's my Dr. Philism:

You can't tape your rear end to the floor and expect to fly.

BarbaraCA said...

childhood pet + childhood street =

"Muffin Shadowhill"
or
"Stanley Miguel." Now that's a swarthy stripper name!

And I simply cannot make up a Dr. Philism that is any sillier than the things that fall out of his mustached mouth.

BarbaraCA said...

I can't move past this. It's my white whale.

"You can't be a penis-equipped female hyena and expect Sweating to the Oldies."

Heather Annastasia said...

I'm Nikita Hess.

My Dr. Phil saying is, "You can't mix milk and orange juice and expect an Orange Julian.

Seriously, kids.

It's just gross.

Heather Annastasia said...

Wait, I have a better one.

You can't mix stress incontinence and allergies and expect dry underpants.

That one came to me yesterday.

discomamma said...

Here is my first Dr Philism...will try & think of a better one ASAP
" You can't tell someone to sit down and shut up and expect a cruise ship floor show as entertainment"
My stripper name is Petal Sherwood, but my grandma uses "Sherri" as an artwork signature, so I will use it too... Petal Sherri sounds HOT!!!